Moony Mondays - 7/14/14 - A Simple Misunderstanding - The intent behind the spanking #Spanking #DD

So often on Mondays, we long or "moon" for the return of the weekend.  To help ease us through this occasionally "blue" day, I thought I'd share a little about the premise behind my soon-to-be-released novel A Simple Misunderstanding, then post another quick excerpt to highlight my point.

Domestic Discipline along with BDSM have often been labeled as abuse by those unfamiliar with the practice.  Why?  Because we're brought up to think it's wrong for a man to hit a woman.  Right?

The dictionary defines abuse as:

Definitions 2 and 8 are the reasons often misapplied to both practices, whether the word is employed as a verb or a noun.  This is where harm and maltreatment come into play.  That is not to say that some practitioners of DD or BDSM aren't abusive by nature, but they are the rotten apples that spoil the barrel for the rest, leaving a bad taste in people's minds.  They are the unfortunate exception, not the rule.

Also practitioners of DD and BDSM do not hit.  Although hit is a perfectly good word, when used in the context of discipline it has a very negative connotation, which is why most practitioners use the word spank instead, even when objects other than an open palm are used.

People hit with their fists to cause injury or harm, neither of which are desired results in DD or BDSM.  A responsible person who serves as Head of Household, or takes the dominant role in a relationship, has no desire to harm, injure, or mistreat their partner.  Such outcomes are neither the goal nor the intent behind either practice.  The goal of DD is to correct undesirable or destructive behavior by following a set of previously established rules, which if broken carry consequences.  The goal behind BDSM revolves around uneven power exchanges, where one person gives his or her willing consent to fully surrender to another's authority, usually in a sexual or erotic context.

BDSM allows individuals of similar interests and desires to give vent to their predilection through mutually satisfying means.  So, by its definition alone, BDSM is not abuse.  Abusive spouses wish to inspire fear in their partner, not sexual fulfillment.  Domestic Discipline participants, on the other hand, desire to establish a paradigm of mutual respect and accountability through a communicated set of rules that both are expected to follow.  The intent of a Domestic Discipline relationship is to establish or maintain respect through the administration of more traditional values.

In A Simple Misunderstanding, I attempt to show the difference between behavior that is abusive in nature, and discipline offered in a responsible and loving manner.  Both men spank, but I represent the intent behind their actions as polar opposites.  One desires to tear down, the other to build up.

Now for the promised excerpt.  In this scene, Jerry has just finished giving Elly ten swats with a plastic flip-flop after she threw a temper tantrum.  They're seated on the living room couch with Elly curled up on Jerry's lap as she plucks at the buttons on his shirt.

“Your thongy-thing didn’t hurt that much.”

“Because I didn’t want it to. Now, tell me how you feel after suffering through your first official chastisement from me.”

Amazingly, all trace of her headache was gone. “Relieved.”

“That it’s over, or that it wasn’t as bad as you feared?”

“Both. I feel lighter, freer. Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

“Good. I always want you to come out of a punishment in a better state of mind and being, not worse. Never worse.”

“Arthur always wanted me to suffer. In fact, if I wasn’t moaning in abject misery after he’d punished me, he thought he hadn’t done his job properly.”

Jerry kissed her again. “Though there’s a lot I could say about your former husband, I won’t. I know it’s only natural for you to compare us, Elly, but please bear in mind any punishments I administer are intended to address a wrong, so the situation can be made right between us. They are meant to keep you safe, happy and healthy, not change you as a person.”

“Thank you.” Arthur had often insisted she thank him after a punishment, but she’d never been grateful. However, she acknowledged a huge obligation along with an immense sense of gratitude to Jerry for caring enough to keep her safe. Not once did he accuse her of being inept or stupid. Stubborn, maybe, but at times she was. He focused his attention on changing her attitude, not her image. A fine distinction perhaps, yet an important one.

M/F Domestic Discipline in Colorado.

Blurb:

Though Arthur and Eleanor Benson have been practicing domestic discipline for three months since their wedding, he insists moving to Corbin's Bend, where domestic discipline is the norm rather than the exception, will revitalize their marriage. Elly has doubts, but since Arthur is the undisputed head of their household, they move. However, once Arthur becomes immersed in a community where spanking is not only permitted, but encouraged, his personality undergoes a dramatic change. Accusing his submissive wife of being lazy, disorganized and disobedient, he employs creative methods of pain and humiliation to mold Elly from the imperfect woman he married into the perfect woman he desires. And Elly finds herself a virtual prisoner in her own home, accountable only to the man who rules her life with a cane.

In his years as a vet, Jerry Douglas has seen what abuse does to animals, and he recognizes those same signs in Elly Benson during her daily escape to the dog park with her tiny poodle. Jerry steadfastly supports the tenets of domestic discipline and enjoys the freedom Corbin's Bend offers its residents, but he remains fiercely protective of anyone in need of a champion. And when he witnesses evidence of harsh handling, his instinct is to rush in and rescue. Problem is Elly Benson is a married and consenting adult who insists all her bruises and welts are nothing more than a simple misunderstanding between her and her husband, until the day Arthur Benson takes his authority and discipline one-step too far, endangering Elly's life.

The thongy-thing Jerry used is not underwear as my European friends are visualizing.

A Simple Misunderstanding is scheduled to be published on July 16.  Check back here tomorrow for Twisted Tuesday and Maren Smith's Sneak Peek Giveaway of all the Corbin's Bend novels as she readies us for her July 23 release of Last Dance for Cadence.