Back in 2006, Kim DeBron wrote an excellent article entitled "Introduction to Submission," which I would like to share with you here. At least certain parts of it. I'll also provide a link, so you can read the article yourself if you have the time and the inclination to do so.
First, for me, Dominance and submission is primarily about the control of one person over the life of another. The dominant person, or the top, is the one in charge. Solely for simplification reasons, in this article I will refer to all Dominants as "He," and all submissives as "she," even though this grouping is only one of several possible combinations.
The submissive in the relationship makes a conscious decision to give up control to her partner, the Dominant, or a Top.
In her article, Kim states, "Dominance and submission is a power exchange between two consenting adults. It is about the control within the dynamics of that relationship, whether it be a full time 24/7 relationship, or a casual meeting, or a part time arrangement.
Choosing to be submissive means to allow someone else to control your body and behavior within the preset limits you and that particular person, i.e. the Dominant, have agreed on.
Submission is not a sign of weakness, some of the most successful and strongest people are true submissives."
What submission is not about is kinky sex with dungeons, whips and chains, although those things can and do play a part in the lifestyle, if both parties consent to their use. Most submissives view their submission as choice of the heart, and a wonderful gift to the Dominant. Others view it as an absolute necessity for their happiness and well-being. But no matter how a woman regards her submission, she should never enter into it lightly, even in a casual situation like at a party or a gathering.
Kim continues by adding, "A submissive does whatever her Dominant requires of her, within the boundaries already agreed upon by both parties in the relationship. She serves Him in whatever manner He wishes, for His pleasure and His comfort."
Casual and long-term arrangements often have different goals. Casual relationships are more likely to be solely for play, with or without sex. In long-term arrangements, the degree of submission is deeper; the Dominant may wish to determine what the submissive wears, how she does her hair, where she sleeps and even what she can or cannot eat. "Long term relationships are more likely to include sexual service, but that is not always the case. There are D/s relationships where sex is not a factor at all."
Kim goes on to describe the different types of submissives that exist:
The analogy she uses is submission is like drinking a glass of water
"The sexual submissive, who is also sometimes described as the immediate submissive, might have water only when she eats curry. She doesn't do it for itself really, she drinks it because it makes the curry taste better, cleanses the mouth, cuts the fire, makes her able to eat more. She wouldn't think of drinking water without the curry. Her needs are filled by the consequences of her submission, in other words the sexual satisfaction or gratification she feels from submitting to a Dominant. Sometimes her submission serves as a release from her guilty feelings that she likes D/s activities, sometimes she simply craves the endorphin rush. However, once her desire to submit has passed, she feels no need to continue being submissive.
"The psychological submissive drinks water because she likes it. Sure, she will drink it with curry, but she’ll also drink it with roast beef, with sandwiches, and she’ll even drink it without food at all, because she likes the taste, the way it flows down her throat, the cleansing feel. She gets her reward from the physical act of submission, and can often have masochistic tendencies, which push her toward liking harder play than most. This submissive is into it for the pain and humiliation and often sees D/s as a punishment, which gives her the release she craves.
Quite often a psychological submissive is only a part time player, having another life, and keeping both sides of her life separate from each other.
"The natural or slave submissive is a woman living in a hot climate. She has to drink water, because nothing else will satisfy her thirst. She can and will occasionally even try wine, beer, or sweet drinks, but when push comes to shove, she must have clean water. Other drinks might allay her thirst for a bit, but when the heat is very fierce, water is the only solution. This submissive is also known as the true submissive and usually has slavish tendencies. Her submission goes way beyond the sexual side of things and is more a part of her intrinsic personality. Her deep need is to relinquish control and please the Dominant in all ways, and her fulfillment is the very act of submission in all forms".
People can learn to act submissively, "this is called role-playing or bottoming, where a person, who may not be submissive all the time, will act in a submissive manner to a particular Dominant, for an agreed amount of time in a play session." This is something the sexual and psychological submissive are more likely to do, since being submissive may not come naturally to them.
Since the natural submissive tends to behave more as a slave, Kim next provides an explanation of the differences between being a submissive and a slave.
"Submission is not slavery. All slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves.
In basic terms, a submissive has some rights and choices in the relationship between herself and the Dominant or Master she is submitting to. She has a right to be heard and a right to say no, and is often allowed to make small decisions for herself. Of course, all of these things are at the discretion of the Dominant, so even when her voice is heard, her opinion may not change the outcome.
The other important point to note is that a submissive usually has a safe word.
A submissive does not necessarily live with her Master. Theirs can be a casual relationship, a permanent arrangement done on a part time basis, or a 24/7 live in situation. A submissive can be owned and collared to one Dominant, or can simply be one who chooses to submit to someone at a given time.
A slave does not have rights or choices – except for the one, which is to walk away.
She gives up all rights when she agrees to be a slave. A slave cannot say no, a slave cannot make decisions unless told to, and a slave only has a safe word if her Master allows it.
A slave is usually owned and collared, and though she does not have to live with her Master, that is most often the case."
In her article, Kim goes on to discuss how submissives should behave in public, relate with each other and react with other Dominants than their own. It is interesting information given from the point of view of a natural submissive who considers herself a slave. I encourage you to click the URL below and read the article if this information is of interest to you. In short, her idea of dominance and submission meshes very nicely with my own. I do not consider myself a natural submissive, but I agree with all of her assessments.
